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For Men’s Health Month, we sat down with sleep health expert Gregory Arneaud from ISD Health Solutions to talk about a problem that’s quietly destroying men’s health and their relationships.
You work with a lot of men who have sleep apnea. What makes men so resistant to dealing with this issue?
It comes down to masculine culture, honestly. Think about athletes, military men, or just regular men who’ve been taught that you push through pain and never show weakness. When you’re gasping for air at night or falling asleep during the day, admitting that feels like admitting you’re broken somehow.
Men will pound energy drinks and coffee all day to fight off the fatigue instead of asking why they’re so tired in the first place. We’ve been conditioned to just power through everything, even when our bodies are screaming for help.
So it’s really about stigma?
Absolutely. Men typically only seek help when their health problems start affecting their job performance or relationships. Or when they have a serious health scare that forces their hand. Women are usually the ones pushing their partners to finally see a doctor about the snoring or the constant tiredness.
What are the warning signs men should actually pay attention to?
The obvious ones are loud snoring, gasping or choking sounds during sleep, and waking up with a dry mouth. But here’s what a lot of men don’t realize: if you’re falling asleep during activities that shouldn’t be tiring, that’s a red flag. We’re talking about nodding off while watching TV, during meetings, or even while driving short distances.
Morning headaches, feeling exhausted even after a full night’s sleep, irritability–these aren’t just signs of getting older or being stressed. They could be your body telling you it’s not getting the oxygen it needs at night.
How does sleep apnea actually damage relationships?
It’s brutal on intimate relationships. First, you’ve got the snoring that’s keeping your partner awake. Then there’s the bigger stuff–sleep apnea messes with your hormones, including testosterone, which kills your libido and can cause sexual dysfunction.
But beyond the bedroom, you’re dealing with mood swings, irritability, and just not being present with your family. You’re exhausted, cranky, and your patience is shot. Over time, that emotional distance really takes a toll on relationships.
What’s happening to the body when someone has sleep apnea?
Every time your breathing stops–and this can happen hundreds of times per night–your body goes into panic mode. Your heart rate spikes, your blood pressure jumps, and you’re basically putting your cardiovascular system through a stress test all night long.
This leads to real health problems: hypertension, increased risk of heart attacks and strokes, and diabetes because your body becomes resistant to insulin. Your hormones get completely out of whack–not just testosterone, but the hormones that control hunger and appetite too, which is why so many people with sleep apnea struggle with weight gain.
Speaking of weight, how does sleeping position factor in?
Sleeping on your back is the worst position for sleep apnea. Gravity pulls your tongue and soft tissues back, making it even harder to keep your airway open. It’s one of those things that seems simple but can make a real difference.
Let’s talk about treatment. Why do so many men resist CPAP machines?
The CPAP stigma is real. Men see it as this big, awkward machine that makes them look weak or unattractive. There’s embarrassment around wearing a mask to bed–it doesn’t exactly scream masculine or sexy.
But here’s the thing–it’s usually a lifelong treatment unless you make major changes like significant weight loss or have surgery. The key is education and support. When men understand what untreated sleep apnea is doing to their bodies and their families, most are willing to try it.
Are there alternatives to CPAP?
Yes, there are oral appliances–basically custom mouthguards that help keep your airway open. There are also newer devices like Inspire that stimulate the muscles in your airway. But I want to be clear–these aren’t 100% effective for everyone or every type of sleep apnea. The severity and specific type of apnea you have determines what will work best.
What changes do you see when men actually get treatment?
The transformation is incredible. Couples tell me the snoring stops, both partners sleep better, and the guy’s mood completely changes. His energy comes back, he’s more patient with his family, and intimacy improves–both emotionally and physically.
I’ve had spouses thank me because they got their husband back. That’s not an exaggeration. When someone hasn’t had quality sleep in years, getting proper treatment literally gives them their life back.
How should someone approach a man in their life who might have sleep apnea?
Come from a place of love and concern, not judgment. Don’t make it about how his snoring is affecting you–make it about how much you care about his health and want him around for a long time.
Frame it as taking responsibility, not as weakness. Men respond well when you tell them that getting treatment is actually the strong thing to do–that it’s about being there for their family and performing at their best.
Why is proper diagnosis so important?
You can’t diagnose sleep apnea based on symptoms alone. You need actual sleep testing to understand what’s happening during the night. There are different types of sleep apnea, different severity levels, and the treatment depends on getting an accurate picture of what’s going on.
Too many people try to self-diagnose or assume their snoring isn’t a big deal. But sleep apnea is a serious medical condition that affects your entire body.
What’s your biggest concern about men and sleep health?
Men undervalue sleep, period. They’ll obsess over their workout routine or their diet, but they treat sleep like it’s optional. Sleep is when your body recovers, when your brain processes information, when your hormones reset. You can’t perform at your best–physically or mentally–without quality sleep.
In places like the Caribbean, where I work, there’s still a lot of stigma around sleep disorders. We need better education and awareness, especially in communities where men are expected to just tough everything out.
What’s your main message for men reading this?
“How you sleep is how you live.” That’s not just a catchy phrase–it’s the truth. If you’re snoring loudly, falling asleep during the day, or your partner is telling you that you stop breathing at night, don’t ignore it.
Getting evaluated for sleep apnea isn’t admitting defeat–it’s taking control of your health. Untreated sleep apnea doesn’t just affect you; it affects everyone who cares about you. Your family wants you healthy and present, not just surviving on caffeine and willpower.
Any final thoughts?
Stop treating sleep like it’s a luxury or something you can skimp on. Your performance at work, your relationships, your physical health, your mental health–it all depends on getting quality sleep. If something is interfering with that, it’s worth investigating.
And men, listen to your partners. They’re often the first ones to notice the snoring, the gasping, the mood changes. They’re not nagging–they’re worried about you.
The opinions expressed in this blog do not reflect the opinions of Men’s Health Network.
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Gregory Arneaud works with ISD Health Solutions, promoting sleep health awareness and consulting services. He is also the author of The Wake Up Call: How You Sleep Is How You Live. If you think you might have sleep apnea, talk to your doctor about getting a sleep study. Your health–and your family–will thank you.
