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Test anxiety can haunt even the brightest of kids and t(w)eens, debilitating them, stifling their progress, and resulting in a false impression of their capabilities. They might be perfectly proficient, but when the exam officially begins, they get nervous and everything they know goes out the window — and so does their test grade. For any student, but especially those in upper grades taking “more important” exams, test anxiety can have a big impact. We spoke to some experts to find out why some kids and teens struggle with test anxiety, what we can do to help them … and what they can do to help themselves.
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Why do kids get test anxiety?
Dr. Carl Nassar PhD, LPC, tells SheKnows that there are several reasons some kids feel anxious when it comes to test-taking, and it’s heartbreaking. “We’re told that our future security, and maybe even our future survival, will one day depend on how well we score,” he says of students. “We witness our parents’ happiness and relief when we get good grades; we begin to believe that our parents’ well-being is on the line. We come to over-identify with these scores, believing they are a reflection of our value and our worth. Falling short here means we are not measuring up, that we are less deserving than our peers in important ways.”
And so is it really any wonder that in a March 2025 Pew Research study, 68 percent of teens said they face “a great deal” or “fair amount” of pressure to get good grades?
Learning strategist and test anxiety specialist Deena Kara Shaffer, PhD, says test anxiety can also increase when students don’t feel prepared for or confident about a test. “Learners might also be feeling unclear about the assessment itself — not entirely sure what their teacher’s expectations are of them, how to approach things like studying and review, and might also be too afraid or intimidated to ask for clarification,” Dr. Shaffer says. “Other students might bring a perfectionistic energy to tests, putting disproportionate pressure on themselves.”
How to Overcome Test Anxiety
Understand the test itself. The more comfortable kids and teens are with the test material, the less likely they are to allow their anxiety to overcome them during the test. Practice makes perfect, so ensure they complete their homework (including bonus questions in their textbooks), worksheets available on the internet, or review questions in their preparation booklets until they can solve problems in their sleep.
Encourage them to request help from teachers, tutors, classmates, or family if they require additional support. It is also useful for students to have some foreknowledge of the structure of the exam, so there are no unpleasant surprises.
“Encourage learners to ask their teacher any clarifying questions in advance, rally a study group of friends and peers who can work through tough material together, begin prepping well ahead of time, and be efficient with their time and study strategies,” Dr. Shaffer says.
Bonus points if you have some of your teen’s friends over for a study night! If you supply the location (and the snacks!), they can get to work in a low-pressure environment.
Utilize relaxation techniques. “Rehearsing coping statements like, ‘The chances that I will fail this test are very low’ or ‘I can tolerate earning any grade on this test’ restructures some of the maladaptive cognitions that lead to the anxiety response,” says Dr. Jolie Silva, clinical psychologist and Chief Operating Officer of New York Behavioral Health. Getting more oxygen flowing can also help. “Deep breathing exercises beforehand could help relax the body prior to taking a test,” she says. “Focusing on taking long, deep breaths from the diaphragm helps most people because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us to calm down and relax.” (Cedars-Sinai Medical Center has some great deep breathing exercises for kids and teens here.)
When your students’ stress levels rise, either during an exam or during preparations for said test, a moment to re-center and refocus can be useful. Deep breathing directs additional oxygen to the brain and can enhance clarity. Students can also close their eyes, clear their minds, count to ten, and then continue with a fresh outlook. These methods are key after forgoing a problem or while engaging with an especially frustrating question. Relax, refocus, and carry on to the next problem without worrying over the last.
Another technique is progressive muscle relaxation. Have your teen tense one set of muscles (such as his or her shoulders) as much as possible, then relax those muscles. With practice, teens can begin to recognize when they’re tense and develop a habit of relaxing those muscles.
What Parents Can Do to Help Kids and Teens With Test Anxiety
It’s difficult when we can’t physically be there with anxious students during testing, but there are plenty of things we can do before we send them off. One is making sure we give them all the tools they need to succeed. “We can support our kids by offering a conducive environment to study ahead of time, nudging them to begin early, and turning to efficient strategies, like practice questions, instead of hours and hours of inefficient approaches like re-writing notes,” Dr. Shaffer advises. “We might help by instilling quiet hours, encouraging a distraction-free space, and offering to run through flash cards or vocabulary lists.”
Additionally, Dr. Shaffer says it’s important to point out that stress isn’t exactly unhealthy. “In talking to your kids, begin reminding them that some stress is actually important when taking any kind of test,” she tells us. “A little stress helps us perform better — it keeps us alert, engaged, and in some ways is a sign that the course or program matters to them.”
Jenny Anderson, co-author of The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better, drove that point home when speaking on Instagram about her daughter’s exam stress. She told followers to reiterate to their teens that stress is not a signal of failure or that they are unprepared. It does not mean the sky is going to fall. And it does not mean everything is “going to hell in a handbasket.”
“Stress is your body’s way of preparing you for things you care about and that are important,” she said.
Be sure to speak with your kid or teen openly and honestly as tests approach. Why, exactly, are they anxious? What do they believe will happen if they perform poorly? Why are the questions frightening when given as a test rather than homework? This can be an excellent opportunity to talk about what you expect of them.
Teens can often assume that parents expect perfection, and by not achieving that impossible goal, they’re letting you down. Be clear about what you expect from them: a passing grade, a clear effort to study, or a solid understanding of the material when it’s not a test. Determine what they expect from themselves and what they assume the consequences will be.
Remind them that a poor score on the SAT or ACT doesn’t mean they will never attend college or secure a job. A poor grade on a high school entrance exam does not mean they will not be admitted to high school. A poor grade on an algebra test does not mean you will stop loving them.
You may know as much, but make sure they do too.
“The best way to alleviate our anxiety is by finding assurances in the relationships around us,” Dr. Nassar says of students. “We need our caregiver relationships to assure us that they will not define us based on these results, that we will not be a disappointment or seen as ‘less than’ if we don’t meet a certain mark.”
“[Test scores] don’t measure our growing capacity to build healthy relationships. They don’t measure the cultivation of our natural curiosity. They don’t measure the development of a sense of virtue or humility. They don’t even measure our care for and desire to deeply understand our world,” Dr. Nassar points out. “Instead, these points measure two tasks above all others: our ability to study and our test performance.”
There are far more important things. And though test scores might seem vital to teens in the short term, they’re not what matters most in the long run. “After all,” Dr. Nassar continues, “in all my 25 years as a psychotherapist, no client ever arrived in my office and asked me, ‘So, what was your GPA?’”
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