Authors: Anna L. MacKinnon, Amanda Goes, Natalia Szejko, Sepideh Zaeri, Christine Ou, Nichole Fairbrother, Maria Salaria, Georgia Yee, on behalf of the Perinatal Mental Health Working Group | Editors: Romina Garcia de leon, Janielle Richards (Blog Co-Coordinators) | Expert Reviewer: Dr. Kathleen Chaput
Published: May 30th 2025
Embracing challenging times after the arrival of a newborn
Expecting a baby is a transformative experience for anyone involved. Regardless of whether you’re in a romantic relationship or co-parenting, the arrival of a new child introduces significant changes and challenges. Many of these begin during pregnancy and may not be equally felt by both partners or parents. These changes and challenges, and any imbalance in experience can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, misunderstood, or even dismissed, which can strain the relationship and make things harder. Early recognition of these emotional and relational shifts is crucial. By acknowledging these challenges, both partners and co-parents can foster open communication and create a more collaborative and supportive approach as they navigate the complex journey of parenthood together.
Foster open and frank communications early
Pregnancy can be an exciting but vulnerable time, so it is crucial for both partners and co-parents to understand they are not alone in this journey. One key issue that can arise is differences in expectations and communication styles, particularly around roles and responsibilities. Parental duties and expected gender roles aren’t always equal, which can lead to misunderstandings and anger, especially when one partner feels overwhelmed by the physical demands of pregnancy or doesn’t receive enough support after the baby comes. Hormonal changes, physical discomfort, and fatigue during pregnancy can heighten emotional sensitivity between partners, which can affect communication and make it harder to understand each other’s needs. Additionally, financial pressures, work demands and added household tasks can lead to responsibility inequality and strain. These challenges can impact how well parents support each other, and managing them requires open communication, patience, and flexibility. Addressing these issues is essential to help families navigate the newborn journey in a more balanced way and strengthen their relationship.
Establish regular check-ins regarding needs, expectations and boundaries before and after birth
Relationships require care at the best of times – pregnancy and parenthood are no exception. One place to start is by discussing each other’s needs and expectations, as partners and as parents. This includes how you want the other person to be involved or respond when you’re struggling (for example, listen to you vent or go into problem solving mode, give you a hug or give you space, help with tasks such as planning and preparing meals). It can be helpful to first focus on positives, such as what is going well in the relationship or what arrangements are working, and then move to challenges and setting boundaries. Indeed, research shows that expressing gratitude (for example, identifying a small action or effort that makes you feel cared for or connected) can improve your mood and facilitate bonding. It is also important to plan for what happens when the baby arrives, including division of labour, time and finances, as well as how to support each other’s personal goals and well-being (including getting enough sleep). Even if you’re not on the exact same page, it is important to be clear and respect where each of you stand. This should be an ongoing conversation, as things can change quickly when welcoming a new child. It is even recommended to establish a regular check-in time once a week with your partner or co-parent.
Acknowledge your partner’s emotions and perspectives
Sometimes things may still get heated, triggering big reactions or even shutting down completely. It is crucial to be aware of your emotions and validate each other’s perspectives. Whether it’s anxiety before conceiving, stress during pregnancy, fear about the delivery, or exhaustion after the baby arrives, these feelings are part of the shared journey of becoming parents. It can be as simple as asking how the other person feels or repeating back what they tell you to show that you care and understand. Mutual acknowledgement can help future parents to communicate more genuinely and empathetically, fostering more patience, reducing guilt and opening the door for a supportive space for both individuals throughout their journey to parenthood. If serious conflicts emerge and you still feel overwhelmed and “stuck”, you can always ask for help or consult a professional such as a couple’s therapist or mediator, or find a support line in your area.
You are not alone! Reach out for support
Social support is one of the most protective factors that can help you get through distress during pregnancy. While prioritizing couple time is important (for example, going for a walk together, creating a shared daily ritual, getting a babysitter for date night), social support goes beyond the relationship with your partner. It is also important to stay in touch with family and friends, and ask for help when needed – even when it feels uncomfortable. Community groups and resources, online or in-person, are another great way to connect with others who are navigating the ups and downs of the journey to parenthood. Remember you are not alone!
